Love Is a Choice, and After Choosing, You Follow: Insights on Love from the I Ching Hexagram Sui

The most important question in love is not “how to love,” but who to choose to love first.

In the I Ching, Hexagram 17 — Sui (Following) — reveals an extremely practical truth about love:

Love = Choice + Following + Commitment.

When you choose the right person, life flows smoothly; When you choose the wrong person, life gets dragged into the mire.

Why Is Hexagram Sui the “Hexagram of Choosing in Love”?

The core idea of Hexagram Sui can be summed up in four words:

Choose, then follow.

The true order of love is:

First choose
Then commit
Finally take responsibility

This is the exact opposite of the biggest mistake in modern dating — many people commit first, then regret later.

First Nine: Go Out, and Love Will Appear

Line text: Going out to make connections brings merit.

The first step of Hexagram Sui gives an extremely practical suggestion:

If you don’t go out, you can’t meet love.

This line symbolizes:

A change in life stage
The end of an old relationship
The start of new social connections

Love won’t knock on your door; you must actively engage with the world.

Stop isolating yourself, and start meeting people.

Second Six: The Wrong Circle = The Wrong Love

Line text: If you cleave to the small boy, you lose the strong man.

This is the most realistic warning in Hexagram Sui:

The kind of people you associate with determines the kind of partner you meet.

If you spend a long time:

In negative circles
Indulging in low-quality socializing
Used to short-term relationships

It becomes very hard to meet someone truly suitable for marriage.

Love, at its core, is a choice of social circle.

Third Six: Choosing an Excellent Person Protects Your Life

Line text: If you cleave to the strong man, you lose the small boy.

This line emphasizes:

Choosing an excellent partner is, in itself, a sense of security in life.

With a high-quality partner:

You reduce the chance of being hurt
You avoid being deceived or used
You gain a stable direction in life

Choosing a partner is essentially choosing your future.

Fourth Nine: Love Is Not About Taking Advantage

Line text: If there is trust in the Dao, how could there be blame?

True love must be built on:

Sincerity
Morality
Integrity

If a relationship is based on:

Money
Benefit
Exploitation

That is not love, but a transaction.

Love is about seeking a true heart, not seeking advantages.

Fifth Nine: Love Will Eventually Appear

Line text: Trust in what is excellent brings good fortune.

The warmest line in Hexagram Sui:

Hold to correct values, and love will eventually arrive.

This means:

Don’t be anxious
Don’t lower your standards
Don’t give up hope

The right person often appears at the right time.

Top Six: After Choosing Comes Responsibility

Line text: Hold them fast and follow, be bound to them.

The ultimate answer of Hexagram Sui:

The end of love is commitment.

When you decide to spend your life with someone:

No more wavering
No more comparing
No more looking for alternatives

True love is not infinite choosing, but stopping the search.

Six Principles for Choosing in Love from Hexagram Sui

Be socially active and expand your life circle
Stay away from low-quality relationship environments
Choose excellent and reliable people
Base the relationship on sincerity
Trust that love will eventually appear
After choosing, take responsibility

Conclusion: Love Is Not Finding, but Choosing

Hexagram Sui tells us:

True love is not about “who you meet,” but “who you decide to follow.”

Choose the right person, and life flows smoothly; Choose the wrong person, and life is difficult every step of the way.

Love is a choice; Once you’ve chosen, do not look back.

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