Why Do I Keep Meeting Toxic People? I Ching Insights From Hexagram 38 Kui

Many people ask:

“Why do I always attract toxic people?”

Whether in relationships, workplaces, friendships, or family, some people repeatedly encounter manipulation, hostility, betrayal, disrespect, or emotional harm.

The ancient I Ching, especially Hexagram 38 — Kui (Opposition, Divergence), offers surprisingly deep insight into this painful question.

But the I Ching does not simply encourage blaming others.

Instead, Kui teaches something far more powerful:

When life becomes difficult and conflict-filled, one should first strengthen clarity, judgment, courage, and personal capability.

In other words:

Your first protector is ultimately yourself.

1. Toxic People Are Often Truly Harmful

From the victim’s perspective, toxic people are indeed harmful people.

Some manipulate others. Some bully weaker individuals. Some exploit kindness. Some spread fear, confusion, or emotional chaos.

Hexagram 38 describes a world of tension, misunderstanding, opposition, and conflict.

The I Ching never naively denies that bad behavior exists.

The first line of Hexagram 38 says:

“Meeting evil people is no fault.”

This is psychologically important.

Meeting toxic individuals does not automatically mean you are evil, foolish, or deserving of mistreatment.

Life contains conflict. Human society contains selfishness. Some people truly do create suffering.

The I Ching recognizes this reality clearly.

2. Toxic People Often Change Their Behavior Around Stronger People

An important observation:

Many toxic individuals are not foolish.

When they encounter powerful, capable, confident, or high-status individuals, they suddenly become polite, restrained, careful, and respectful.

Why?

Because many harmful people instinctively calculate risks and benefits.

They often target:

  • people with weak boundaries,
  • timid personalities,
  • uncertain identities,
  • fearful minds,
  • or excessive dependence on external approval.

This does not justify the toxic behavior.

However, from the I Ching perspective, suffering should become motivation for strengthening oneself.

Instead of endlessly asking:

“Why are people so bad?”

Hexagram 38 encourages asking:

“How can I become stronger, clearer, calmer, and more difficult to manipulate?”

3. The Famous “Pig Carrying Ghosts” Vision: Fear Creates Illusions

The sixth line of Hexagram 38 presents one of the strangest and most unforgettable scenes in the I Ching.

“A muddy pig carrying a cart full of ghosts.”

A frightened, weak-hearted person walks at dusk and suddenly believes they see terrifying supernatural beings.

They panic. They raise a bow. They prepare for danger.

But later they realize:

It was only a muddy pig pulling harmless scarecrows.

The “ghosts” never existed.

This teaching is extraordinarily modern psychologically.

Sometimes people who have repeatedly suffered harm begin to:

  • suspect everyone,
  • over-interpret danger,
  • become paranoid,
  • see enemies everywhere,
  • or emotionally terrify themselves.

Hexagram 38 warns:

Do not let fear destroy your judgment.

Yes, dangers exist. Yes, toxic people exist.

But excessive fear also weakens the mind.

The strongest protection is not endless anxiety.

The strongest protection is:

  • clarity,
  • competence,
  • courage,
  • discernment,
  • and inner stability.

4. Hexagram 38 Teaches Self-Strengthening

The first line of Kui gives practical advice:

“Meeting evil people is no fault.”

But it also teaches:

Do not recklessly fight when your strength is insufficient.

Many people worsen their suffering because they:

  • react emotionally,
  • escalate conflicts impulsively,
  • try to “win” against dangerous individuals,
  • or attempt revenge without capability.

The I Ching instead recommends:

  • strategic patience,
  • self-protection,
  • skill-building,
  • financial strengthening,
  • mental discipline,
  • and long-term growth.

As your strength increases:

  • toxic people become more cautious around you,
  • manipulators lose leverage,
  • bullies seek easier targets,
  • and your judgment improves.

In many cases:

The stronger you become, the fewer “toxic people” seem to appear.

5. “Meeting the Boss in the Alley”: Understanding Social Roles

The second line of Hexagram 38 says:

“Meeting the lord in the alley. No blame.”

This line teaches realism and proper conduct.

In modern workplaces, employees sometimes become resentful toward employers, managers, or authority figures.

But the I Ching reminds us:

If you are providing service within an organization, your role carries responsibilities.

An employee is not primarily there to receive service. An employee is there to help create value.

This does not mean accepting abuse or injustice.

But it does mean:

  • understanding hierarchy realistically,
  • acting professionally,
  • communicating maturely,
  • and avoiding unnecessary ego conflicts.

Many workplace conflicts become worse because both sides insist on pride rather than practical cooperation.

Hexagram 38 teaches:

Difference does not always require confrontation.

6. Some People Are Not Evil — Just Incompatible

The fifth line of Kui offers another profound insight.

Sometimes two people:

  • are both decent people,
  • both intelligent,
  • both sincere,

yet still cannot work together peacefully.

The problem is not always morality.

Sometimes it is:

  • difference in values,
  • difference in personality,
  • difference in goals,
  • difference in communication style,
  • or difference in life direction.

Hexagram 38 teaches that separation is sometimes healthy.

Not every relationship must be saved. Not every partnership must continue. Not every disagreement means someone is evil.

Sometimes distance creates peace.

And leaving incompatible situations early can be a blessing rather than a failure.

7. The Core Wisdom of Hexagram 38

The deeper message of Kui is not:

“Everyone else is the problem.”

The deeper message is:

“When life becomes difficult, first reflect upon yourself.”

This does not mean self-blame.

It means:

  • improving judgment,
  • building strength,
  • developing courage,
  • becoming emotionally stable,
  • learning social wisdom,
  • and protecting oneself intelligently.

The I Ching ultimately teaches responsibility, not helplessness.

You cannot control all toxic people.

But you can:

  • become harder to manipulate,
  • see danger earlier,
  • avoid destructive situations,
  • maintain inner clarity,
  • and build a stronger life.

Final Thoughts: Become the Person Who Needs Less Protection

Many people spend years searching for:

  • perfect friends,
  • perfect bosses,
  • perfect partners,
  • perfect society.

But Hexagram 38 suggests a harder truth:

The most reliable protection is your own growth.

As your:

  • mind becomes clearer,
  • judgment sharper,
  • skills stronger,
  • emotions steadier,
  • and spirit calmer,

the world itself begins to change around you.

Conflict decreases. Manipulation weakens. Fear fades.

And many “ghosts” disappear like muddy illusions in the rain.

Consult the I Ching here:

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